We all have our degrees of bad, and we all have a breaking point between "Life happens" and "Okay, now this is a BAD, inexcusably bad, depressingly, awfully bad month." I have reached that point. No, I'm not dying, and neither is (knock wood) anyone in my human family. But:
- Lost two of my animal family suddenly
- My fiance's grandfather is dying, slowly and painfully
- Fiance has been nominated de facto caregiver and is suffering from caregiver fatigue
- Fiance's family dismisses his caregiving work- giving injections, changing adult diapers, transfers in and out of wheelchair, monitoring bloog sugar, giving medications, providing companionship, cleaning, doing laundry often stained with human waste, as easy and unimportant to the point he is considering disappearing for a few days to see how the rest of the family copes with caring for Grandfather without him
- On top of all that, the two pets we lost were his favorite rat and her son
- Two pets that were abandoned with me and had been in loving homes for over a year lost their homes after the adopter became chronically ill
- My favorite coworker is moving away
- A forum that has been my support network through many things has appointed a moderator who really has it in for me, personally attacking me in every thread, and the forum owner says I- the female of course- must be the problem
- My best friend and his first love broke up and he is devastated and depressed
- A good friend's mother is dying of cancer and now I get to be the one to call my friend and tell her that one of the rats I was sending to her as a companion and friend died after his neutering surgery, for no apparent reason
- Fiance's childhood best friend overdosed on drugs and nearly died, then disappeared back into the world of addiction and his whereabouts are unknown
- A friend of a friend overdosed on drugs and died
- Can't get ahold of someone who I'm supposed to be doing a 30 hour drive (one-way) to meet and get a pet from.
In short, life sucks right now, and I have nobody to really tell except the wide world of blog-friends. Everyone else in my life I have to try to be strong for, and being strong all the time means nobody to lean on, and lots of other people leaning on you.
Ugh.
I did something nice for someone last night. I will do something nice for someone tonight. I have to keep trying to believe in good karma.
4 comments:
*Closes my eyes*
*concentrating real hard*
*continues to concentrate...*
*opens my eyes*
I hope you got all my good vibes I just sent you.
-Ben
I'm so sorry! Many positive, supportive waves are headed your way from here. *hug*
thanks, guys :) I feel a little better today.
sorry for all you're going through. I'm going through something similar myself. my fiance's mother is suffering from a highrisk cancer, and i myself had just had my cancer removed in surgery last week. we accidentally got pregnantlast december and because of my recent cancer diagnosis and chemo we could not continue with the pregnancy and i had to have an abortion - horrible feeling to have life sucked out of your womb, especially when you're a baby fanatic like me. despite all this, he has stayed strong, but is feeling like he is spread too thinly as his attentions had to be divided between the two women in his life both having cancer. how as he can concentrate on just one, his mother, since I am now cancer free by one week, his mother's condition has worsened. i have done by best to help the family with as much practical and emotional support as possible before the surgery, and now I'm going to go back to my duties just one week after my own operation. but I do it not for duty, not for karma, but for love. each nice thing I do is not so I can have something back, but because it brightens the lives of those i care about who are suffering more deeply than the average person can imagine. i don't ask for good karma, but i do hope that I am able to make a difference in the lives of those around me, because that is what makes me a worthwhile human being. you are doing a good job being there for all your troubled times. it makes your existence that much richer. it is your legacy that will have a ripple effect in this time continuum.
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